Don't hate me because.. I reproduce

Do you ever wonder what people are thinking when they say things to you?
Is it just because I have 4 kids people say the rudest things to me?
They also stare, am I that much of a freak show?
I distinctly remember after my 4th was born going to Costco. He must have been 3 weeks old, the twins were 5, princess Isabelle was 2ish. I am reaching in to get milk out of the cooler and the boys (big surprise) start wrestling on the floor and Isabelle starts to fuss. Now I have #4 in the baby Bjorn in front of me while I grab the "box" of milk. While I am grabbing the milk complete chaos ensues... Boys wrestling, sissy starting to cry because the boys are wrestling and I have a infant hanging off of me. When I look up and I am not exaggerating this.. like 10 people were all staring at me.
I don't get embarrassed very easy (anymore) but suddenly I was embarrassed. Why?
Why should I be ashamed? Just because I appear to have too much sex... The whole store seemed to hold it against me. They were all internally mocking my lack of self control.
Were my kids throwing a tantrum? Yelling? No they were just being kids. Since when did that become such a problem in our world. We can't pass judgment on anyone in our society, but bring one too many children into the world and you are a second class citizen.
My favorite things people have said to me as a breeder.

"Oh, I understand why your hair is gray."
"Weren't the twins enough?"
"Are you Catholic?"
"Can you please stop having children."
"Boy you sure get big during your pregnancies."
"When are you going to stop nursing"
"Do you know what causes pregnancy?"

Ok, many of us were raised in the same GenX era.
I sat through the same movies/lectures/classes that told me how we were ruining the rain forest and depleting our oceans by overpopulation. Do you think that I don't struggle with some of these same issues? Do you think that there are days that I don't feel bad about the amount of diapers we have contributed to landfills? Well, I do. Although it might just be a lame cover up of my real feelings. My feeling of total inadequacy with the task that God has put before me.
Raise 4 children? In this world, in this time, me? I myself am a totally messed up child.
Still searching for my purpose and wondering what I am going to be when I grow up.
Now I need to act responsible and be a parent.
You know, I wish I could go back to when overpopulation and the environment were my big worries. Those were the days.

Summer Reading

I love my public library!!! Think about it.. You can go almost any time of day and find a million books on any given subject for free! For a reader it is like a unlimited shopping spree at your favorite used book store, or the local Barnes & Noble. What is not to love about hours of roaming a limitless library, finding the book you really want, then you take it home. No charge! I recently went to a Boarders books in the local mall. I found a book that I have really wanted to read, Manhunt. It is about the search for Lincoln's killer. I heard an interview with the author on the Michael Medved show. Sounds like a great read... So I find the book buried in the History/Political aisle, take a look at the price tag, 30 bucks!!! The author sounds like a good man who needs to earn a pay check just like you and I. When you think about all that went into writing this book, it is very well worth the price, but I just can't do it. I start to feel guilty about his family, career, what about the starving artist??
My public library has spoiled me.
So instead I drop the book like it was Tom Cruise and search for it via my library web site. Look what awaits me by the next week. Happily sitting with my own personal name on the free bookmark. The 30 dollar gem, free of charge.
I swear if they ever started to serve coffee I would move in.
Of course I am all for building a personal library. I think all readers should have a large selection of great reads on hand at anytime.
So I have come up with my own "Amber Library System" It's great, goes like this...
1. Hear /Read about interesting book
2. Check out book from library (duh)
3. Decide if it is a "Amber Library Worthy" book. This by the way would never ever include mindless fiction or any type of romance what so ever.
4. Check Costco for book-Very cheap, but limited selection.
5. Check Half.com for book-Almost always works in my favor.
6. Go to huge overpriced Barnes&Noble/Boarders ect... and buy book. It better be worth it!!!

I have spent a majority of my summer at home, with some time to read. It has been a very literary summer! I have enjoyed almost every read. What makes the reads even more enjoyable? They were free!!
Cheers to my Library!

Wax On Wax Off

Of course being a child of the 80's I saw The Karate Kid in the theater. How hot was Daniel Son!!! As we all know the ever wise Mr. Miyagi made Daniel Son do all of his grunt work. Wax the car, sand the deck, paint the fence. Well this is what I am musing about today. I have been spending most of my pathetic summer painting the fence. No this is not a metaphor..I have what feels like five million feet of white picket fence around my place.
Now has this taught me how to fend off local Cobra Kai??
No..but it has confirmed what I have known all along.
America is so darn obsessed with looking good.
If it is not our clothes or cars then it has to be our houses and yards. Really what gives? If we don't keep up with "The Jones's" then we are called white trash and of course who wants to be compared to Britney Spears. So I can say that my house right now looks fantastic, but what has been the trade off? Well we spent all of our summer vacation working on our place. Spent all of the vacation budget on paint and pickets for the fence. Our kids have totally gotten the shaft this summer Disneyland or paint the fence? They don't even get to kick the bullies butt's at the end of the summer to make all of the work worth it. No they just get to go back to school and have a lame essay about what they did last summer.
So please explain to me why making ourselves look good is better than relationships with family and friends?? Why do we work harder and longer to supposedly get ahead in life to just do things that take more away from life?
The "American Dream" while it is awesome with possibilities has turned us into a rather greedy bunch. I am thinking that while the fear of being called white trash looms..it might just be a compliment in disguise.

So this is blogging....

I have been wanting to blog for so long, just think a anonymous place to post your weird and random thoughts! How cool!
Personally I think that people who blog a lot have too much time on their hands. I have way too many children to spend countless hours taking pictures of my pets and cars, double wide trailers ect.. and posting them on-line. That just smacks of no life.
But I will post thoughts, ideas and info on politics and other things I stumble upon while surfing my daily web haunts. And of course the often hilarious stories that surround my life. With 4 kids and a very particular husband, it seems that complete chaos just follows us around. And at times it can be rather humorous.