Words.

Source: hinukshines.tumblr.com via Marie on Pinterest

This past Sunday our Pastor spoke about murder. Of course I sat there all pious thinking to myself..

"oh I'm not a murderer, so I don't really need to pay attention..which is good because I'm sleepy, I need a bit of a nap.."

Then he started talking about murdering people with our words..this made me feel not so sleepy anymore.

Today I thought about the utter power our words hold.

Power to lift up, heal, love, sooth, protect, stir, invoke desire, adoration.

My words effect others. Your words effect others.

More importantly..

What effect do our words have on others??

Where there are words of love, there are also words of hate, slander and malice. Once these words are spoken, they are not soon forgotten, the impact is long lasting, sometimes it is even handed down from generation to generation.

It seems like maybe we have forgotten how powerful we are when we speak. I'm not saying this in some narcissistic way, like "Oh I'm soo awesome when I talk!" no I'm saying it like, "Do I realize that I can ruin a life by speaking mean words?" kind of way.

Heavy.

I have witnessed too much meanness lately. Just down right dirty meanness. Words spoken with only one single intent.

Murder.

Maybe not in a literal sense, but in a hurtful, devastating, lasting effect kind of way.

Once these words have been spoken they invoke the same type of words in response..the effect is ugly and rarely leads to any sort of reconciliation or forward movement.. no they just hurt.

Truthfully dear reader I'm not even sure why I'm blogging this..not sure why I needed to share..this has been weighing heavy on my heart all week long and I guess I needed to blog it off my chest..

I also know that I need to tread lightly, keep myself in check better, be more diligent about my OWN words..because really those are the only words I'm responsible for. (I wish I could fix others mean words) I have to ask myself, what harm have I caused with my own sassy mouth?? (that is a rhetorical question..meaning no I don't need an answer..thankyouverymuch)

I only have just this one life (really that is all I can take). I plan on squeezing everylastsinglebreath out of it, I don't want my breaths to be remembered as mean words.

No, I'm choosing life giving words, words that lift the spirit, words that comfort, words of love and grace.

The best kind of words.

The List...Things I'm in love with right this moment.

Source: m-e-r-m-a-i-d-c-h-i-l-d.tumblr.com via Wen Ling on Pinterest

10. The current blunt bang, frizzy long, generally messy hair thing going on. You have NO idea how well this works with my life. I mean looking like you just rolled out of bed is fashionable???

It's like Christmas morning!

9. The perfect red lipstick. I will hunt you down and pay a sinful amount of money for that little magic tube..just you wait.

Source: tumblr.com via Lisa on Pinterest

8. Menu planning. I have been doing this just a little over 3 years now, it's a HUGE blessing to me (meal planning a blessing?? You Betcha!). I'm never stressed out about what to make for dinner. Our schedules are CRAZY INSANE right now and truthfully if I had the one most dreaded question of the day ("Mom, whats for dinner?") hanging over my head it might just push me over the edge.

Also I found this RAD blog..she has all sorts of fun little down loads for planning..with my oh so favorite meal planning page. Love.

7. People who are honest. (sometimes honesty is not what we think it might be. Like I don't like the honest answer to.."Does my butt look big in these jeans" but the friend/spouse/family member that answers it honestly is truly worth his or her weight in gold..fo shizzle.)

This is how the cigarette label looked in Kenya. Honest.

Source: None via Rachel on Pinterest

6. My little blogdom community. I can be over-dramatic, intense, narcissitic and generally dumb at times. But it seems like no matter what I always come back here..to my words and my happy little place.

5. My husband. (aka sexiest jogger in all the land)
He's hot, he takes care of me, puts UP with me, is such a good daddy and is my biggest fan.

4. Fall...

Orange, leaves, smell of said leaves, pumpkins, pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING...yummy!, delicious golden light in the evening, light pink foggy defused light in the morning, the feeling of nesting for the winter, the passing of another season, it's like the trees are on FIRE around here, steaming hot coffee in front of cozy warm fires, planning for Thanksgiving!! (my favorite!) and yes, I'm even getting a little excited for Christmas..

3. Painting my fingernails. I'm in love with this right now..so cheap, so relaxing, so adorable. I just wish they lasted longer than 5 minutes without getting chipped..bummer.

Source: picturesandquotes.net via Wen Ling on Pinterest

2. I'm a little obsessed with oil paintings right now.. I just want to collect and collect. I'm looking for a nice large oil of a ship on rough waters. I grew up with one on our mantel and I'm feeling all nostalgic and want to find one for my mantel..Good thing Ruffles and Rust is coming this weekend!! I'm bound to find a ship painting or two...

1. Monday.

Monday night is currently our family dinner night. It is the one night of the week that all Strehle's are home. I love it. We do high's and lows, eat well (it's kinda like Sunday dinner) play a board game and hit the hay a little early. It's one of those times that are increasingly rare here at Roosevelt House. On Monday night I feel like all is well with the world. It's kinda the best.

0. I'm confessing my undying love for Pinterest. Yes I have fallen hard for yet ANOTHER time sucker web-site that gives me 5 billion ideas if I could just fortheloveofpete walk away from the computer and GO do those 5 billion things..it's like blogging in 2005..only worse..no wonder we all have ADHD.

A reminder.

Source: teachpreschool.tumblr.com via Joanna on Pinterest

I sighed loudly and clicked the little red X in the corner of the screen.

I thought that I had needed inspiration, but I just ended up feeling sad...well maybe not just sad, more like insecure, inadequate, stupid and generally the feeling you get when you buy into the lie of,

"Not good enough"

Sometimes I get caught up for a minute or two (honestly it can be like HOURS) online. This time I was browsing some other photography blogs..doing a little "research" on Pinterest..generally trying to get my creative juices flowing, but funny thing is, it did just the opposite.

So I proceeded on to my post edit work (insert the story here about how this just might be my LEAST favorite part of photography)(my favorite part is the "taking a picture and laughing and causing a bit of a scene" part). My favorite type of post edit work is ZERO POST EDIT WORK..like maybe just a little tweak here, a little crop here, a little sharpening here..I'm happy.

BUT I was feeling all insecurish, like maybe what I normally gravitate towards was not good enough.. and I started asking myself all the questions about maybe I should try this, or try that..but really I was just thinking I should make my photo's look like someone else's photo's.

Not at all Amberish.

When I got the prints back from the lab it hit me..the obvious of what I had done.

I hated the photo's. They did not look back at me and say Tres Birds..no they looked back and said..

BE ORIGINAL AND GO WITH YOUR GUT WOMAN!!!! WHAT A SHAM!!!

I was a little bit annoyed with myself. (ok like a lot)

I would like to sit here and blame the over-saturation of the creative market.

I would like to sit here and blame the horrible taste of the average consumer.

(wow..that was super passive aggressive)(all but Tres Birds consumers!)(better?)

I would like to blame the absence of originality.

I would like to sit here and blame, blame, and more blame.

But that is easy..and it sounds bitter.

Things that are awesome never come easy and bitterness and beautiful art don't even deserve to stand in the same sentence.

No, it's not the fault of others..it is my fault. My silly insecurities.. I wonder if Annie Leibovitz still does this?? Does she ever look at her images and say..."Man, if only this one looked like an Ansel Adams."

I kinda doubt it.

So all the images went in the trash, where they belonged in my opinion. Such a gross non- representation of my art made me feel all funny inside, like maybe I had just sold my creative soul to the diablo.

Being yourself at times can be risky. Trusting that gut instinct seems so..well uncertain.

But I gotta say, failing at being me has just got to be a whole lot better than succeeding at something I'm not.