Thoughts and observations..blogging it out.

How can one put words to such a horrid event.  Really you can't. If we are not careful when speaking in such a moment, our words can do more damage than good. Writers immediately go to the keyboard to work through the emotions.. damage can be done here just a easily as it can be done verbally... one must tread respectfully.. (and by saying this I'm speaking to me, myself and I)

I have questions.  I wish they could be as easily answered by saying.. "safer schools!",  "stricter gun laws!", "more attention to mental health!", "We need prayer back in school!".

I have a hard time blaming one single issue. Anger and blame is a very human reaction, its a protection mechanism.. we tell ourselves things or blame an object to help rationalize such evil evil deeds.  It's a little like taking an advil for a headache.. it covers the pain.. it does not remove it.. just masks it... because it is difficult to find one word that will answer all of our nagging questions..

~Why is it always men who commit such horror? 

~Where are we going wrong with raising our boys?

~Where was his Father?

~There are problems that money cannot fix.

~Video games. As a mother of 2 very avid gamers I really wonder what it is doing to our young men.

~Why is it ok to talk about God and prayer AFTER tragedy.. why is it offensive one minute but so comforting another? 

~Why are so many of our children prescribed mood altering medication ? Why do we have more personality disorders than ever before?

~How do we navigate this new world, where movie theater's, elementary schools and churches are no longer safe? 

~How do you NOT give into fear?

We don't have cable and this weekend I kept the radio off, I asked the bigs to not discuss the shooting in front of our one remaining little.. 

I deeply mourn the loss of innocence that comes with sharing such news with a sweet innocent soul. The world and all it's nastiness is learned soon enough.  I like to hold the hounds of hell at the door for as long as possible.. when I'm forced to unleash them, the purity is gone, the virgin mind is soiled. 

It crushes me.

"that's weird Mom." was the response that I received, "what do you mean, weird?" I asked.

"Why would someone shoot all those kids? He would have to be weird."

"Yes buddy, that is putting it lightly..."

And with that... a piece of his childhood is gone, never to be reclaimed again.

So today instead of focusing on the evil, we woke up and chose hope, chose the bright-side, cup half full, whatever the heck you want to call it.. that is the road we walked and funny thing is we found beauty.

Have you heard the stories? Turns out there are more heros than bad guys in this world and in the wake of tragedy, humans seem to do their best work. 

During tragedy grace is abundant, hugs are longer, thanks is given, prayers are said, God is honored, phone calls and "I love yous" are not as easily forgotten. Our priorities seems to shift back to where they should always be..  I am always amazed by the human capacity to love despite pain,  how that part of us is always there.. we just don't seem to access it as much as we should.

I will leave you with this dear reader, because we are family of geeky Tolkien fans and the honest truth that my words have run dry and I have no wisdom or light to shed on such an event..I will leave you with some wisdom from Gandolf.  While we might not be facing a massive army of orcs, we do find ourselves living in a time that we wish was not ours.

“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring