Captains log April 27, 2020 Corona Day #48

Quarantine is starting to feel normal. I’ve worked my way through the stages of grief and am at acceptance. It’s sorta like how we just have to accept that Donald Trump likes a good deep orange glow or that we shouldn’t ask Joe Biden to talk about anything important past 7pm EST.

It does feel a bit funny to have handed over so many things I would have never freely given before, but it also feels funny to find out many of your facebook friends do indeed believe that the trapped mole children under NYC have finally been set free.

I have been working hard on a quarantine marriage tutorial of sorts to share with you:

Step #1 Shower minimally.
Step #2 Wear the exact same outfit everysingleday, this helps cut down on laundry and feelings self-worth.
Step #3 Wear your “Snohomish Panther” red stocking cap so much it basically melts to your head.
Step #4 Bra? Now is the perfect time to stand up against the patriarchy. (although remember this will be the last time anything is standing if you go too long without one)

Then just when your husband asks questions like, “soooo… who is the first person you will see when we open back up, your hairdresser or your waxer?” Or “I know you’re passionate about the environment, but showering does not waste THAT much water.”

It is time.

Take a shower. Dress in something that previously would have been seen as plain, but now feels fancy (a team t-shirt & jeans for example) blow dry your hair, swipe a bit of blush and mascara on, and let me tell you… your family will simply GUSH at your accomplishment and it will feel like your honeymoon all over again.

“Where are you going? Everything is closed.”

“I thought you said your shower was broken?”

“It’s so nice to see your smile again, thank you for waxing your upper lip.”

Lastly, remember not to become drunk on this type of flattery as even the Mona Lisa starts to look boorish when you see her every day.

I do hope you are doing well dear friends, yes you, even my mole children friends. Let’s pray that soon enough we can start complaining about traffic and how bad the Mariners suck.