Nice Matters

Last Saturday I went to the grocery, it was the day before Easter and the store was super busy. I did good and was in and out pretty dang quick. As I was loading my groceries in the back of my smoking hot mini-van, the lady who was parked next to me pulled out and stopped behind my car, rolled down her window and proceeded to say...

"Thanks a @#$@! (word that rhymes with chuckin) lot for parking so close to my &&*@&% (there is that word again) car!! I could not get my door open!!."

Me..VERY stunned. Turns and looks at my car..because let me tell you reader I have been known to commit MANY a parking transgression so I checked..this is what I saw.



I was parked perfectly fine.

****You know those scenes in the movies when something rushes through a persons head and it seems like it takes a long time but really its only taking a split second?? Thats what happens next****

What rushes through my head at the moment I realize that no indeed it was not me who had made the parking error???

I see myself in my Nacho Libre mask and a folding chair raised above my head charging towards her car, a little like this.

(the boys have been playing a lot of WWF on the Xbox)

Or maybe pulling open the car door and asking her who taught her to say such mean things to strangers..or maybe even responding back with a equally tart response..because you KNOW I have it in me.

I had a split second to make the decision..I turned back around...

"I'm sorry." comes tumbling out of my mouth. (I was just as surprised as you)

She pauses..looks confused..yells at me again.

"I'm sorry." This time I say it with a bit more authority and shrug a little.

She guns the car and drives off. I turn to the guy who is loading groceries next to me, we both shrug our shoulders and continue on..

At some point in our culture, nice has stopped mattering. Being nice and respecting others has taken a back seat to making sure our feelings are known...but at the cost of what?

The big question is how do we be nice to the people we DONT want to be nice to?? We all have those peeps in our lives..you know the ones..the bur under the saddle? The lady from the _________, the fellow Mom from school, your child's little league umpire or worse yet the fellow (not nice) photographer that is either one step behind or one even step ahead (gasp!) of you all the time.

Those are the ones you have to dig down really deep to find the nice. It's hard, the whole folding chair over my head move would feel soooo much better..well for a second anyways.

When I break it down, I mean, where the rubber meets the road is in my decision..my response..I can't control angry lady, I only can control myself..gosh thats a lot of pressure and freedom all wrapped up into the bigger issue of personal responsiblity. (deep stuff)

Mostly I need to ask myself.. How do I want to be treated?? This idea comes in many different forms, but still carries the same meaning..

Do unto others..
Karma..
Treat others as you wish to be treated...

I know it's naive of me to think it, but I would like to think that us all being just a little bit nicer sure would make the world a better place.

Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are.
~Author Unknown

The List...

We had a little fun here at Roosevelt House..every once in a while, I'm known to be cool..







Even Mona got into the action..crazy girl.



10. Spring is such a time of renewal and reflection for me. It's almost like I'm seeing my real self for the first time in months. Some years I like what I see, some I don't. This year the jury is still out..but I gotta tell ya, I'm anxious and excited for the next season in my life..It's pretty amazing how much perspective and growth just 365 days can give you.

9. When I first came home from Kenya, I told Zach that I did not think I would be able to take a trip like that again, the reality of it was maybe just a little bit too..well...real. Then I watched this video and I forgot about the hard parts and remembered the good. It made me happy that this video made my pulse race, I thought maybe that part of me had died, I'm happy to say that its still alive, kicking and looking for a sponsor:)

Help-Portrait. End of the Earth from Sasha Leahovcenco on Vimeo.

8. MOMMY MONDAYS!! Next Monday!! They are starting! It will be my third year of posting mothers stories and I'm soooo super excited about the interviews I'm working on this year. Yay!

7. My sister got 55 bottles of FREE shampoo with her whole extreme coupon gig..she is going to have really clean hair for a really long time.

6. Last week I had a quiet week. It was good for me. I needed to shut everything out for a bit.

5. I had this conversation a few nights ago about being the bigger person..somedays it's really hard to do. Have you ever had those moments when you just want to go all flipping POSTAL on someone..like just say ENOUGH with the being nice, walking away, rising above..blah, blah, blah..



4. One spring trend that I'm super bummed about?? Wedges..I can't wear them, like EVER. All the cool kids have em this year..does that mean I'm not going to be cool??

3. Besides yard work, what about other spring projects?? I'm hoping to get my bedroom and bathroom painted really soon. Yay for spring cleaning and spring projects!! It's time to PURGE!!

2. When I'm in the garden, I just can't help but think of all the correlation's to real life that are held in that soil, it's no wonder Jesus used plants and gardening to tell so many stories in the New Testament.

1. Umm if the sun does not come out for good really soon, I'm loading up the suitcase with nonsense paper backs and a swim suit and heading off to a tropical location..you think I jest people..oh I'm seriously..so serious.

Rafiki

I can't believe it, but it has been a month since I left for Kenya. Sadly memories are already fading, the sting of was I experienced is starting to heal and I've already talked about the trip enough for it to sound redundant to me, did I make it all up?

Crazy how life keeps moving on.

The tears come less frequently now, but a bit more surprisingly. I was in the car driving to the kids school thinking about an email I had received from a very special guy in Kenya and I sobbed. I sobbed so much I felt stupid.

I'm thinking that my time telling stories is not done yet. I'm fearful of leaving something important out, maybe never to remember it again.

Plus you have not met my peeps yet..you know, my Kenyan peeps.

Let me tell you about Beatrice...

I'm not sure what drew me to her or why we started chatting, but we liked each other very quickly. In the first few minutes I learned that she was the newest teacher at the Mulundi Primary school and she had just moved from the beautiful coastal town of Mombasa to the village with her new husband.

It's funny to say this, but it was like she just kinda walked over and opened her heart up to me right away.

It was a little bit of amazing, beautiful and scary all wrapped up into one smiling Kenyan woman.

On our last full day in the village, I was at the school to shoot some more pictures, we were waiting (always with the waiting!) for a few children, I turned to her..

"Beatrice, what is the word in Swahilli for friend?" Only she did not understand..so I looked to the others around me and asked them..

"What is the word in Swahilli for friend??" Everyone is looking back at me..blank stares, lots of mumbling (as was the norm for me) finally someone says..

"RAFIKI!!"

"Yes, Rafiki!" I say.

Literally applause breaks out.

I look to Beatrice, she is just beaming, moved.

"You are my rafiki." I say as I take her hand.

A moment passed between us, and as I cheesy as it might sound (and I know it does) it was like we had known each other for decades, like she had always been apart of my life.

She said, "I have always wanted a friend from far away and now I have one."

Someone snapped a photo...



I love this photo (ok with the exception of my face) (and let's talk about how much of my PRIDE I had to put aside to post this picture here)(really peeps you should be proud of me). When I first saw the photo I was surprised how relaxed I looked, everything about my body language shows that I'm happy. My feet loose, hips cocked to the side, my arm casually swung around a lady I had known for maybe 2 days. In Kenya people don't touch much, there is very little public affection, my favorite part of the picture is how she is holding my hand. We wanted to be close to each other, and you can see it. Amazing.

Today if I could, I would tell Beatrice that in her simple act of such open love and trust, she taught me more than I have learned in a very long time.

That even though she thought herself the lucky one, I'm pretty sure the luck ultimately landed with me.

The List..Kenyan style.

Every night in Kenya I pulled out my journal and started making lists, it obviously is the way I communicate:)
I thought I would share my top ten BEST things I listed out while I was on my trip.

Oh and I have to include a few pictures as well (of course!).


Sorting the peas for dinner.







10. On the 4th day I was awaken around 4 am to the sound of President Obama on the TV..it totally threw me for a loop! I did not know where I was! Was I home?? It was this massive surreal moment, here I am in Kenya but listening to my president.

9. Kenyan's LOVE Obama! Many times over the course of our visit after people found out I was from the US, they would say..
"Obama!" One guy asked to come back with me to meet him..hmmm. Our driver on my last day in Niarobi told me him and Barry were from the same tribe.

8. They threw us a little welcoming ceremony when we first arrived in town..it totally overwhelmed me. First time I cried.

7. On Tuesday we saw a woman carrying her dying child to the clinic. It has been about 3 weeks since I have been home and I seriously have not gone one day without thinking about that woman. That must have been the longest walk ever.

6. The tea they served was really more like warm milk and sugar with a little tea thrown in. I wonder how they all have such nice teeth.

5. The children all know how to sing 3 part harmony..like from birth. It's amazing and absolutely beautiful.

4. There was one day when everyone we met give us a LIVE chicken..that was a pretty funny day.

3. There was only one time I thought I was going to vomit from the food (mostly the food was good!). It was the night I was served the spine of the goat. Just a little too much for me to take.

2. I wrote this.."I've never been so dirty in my entire life".

1. And the thing I wrote over and over and over again??

"I don't like being looked at." "I don't like being stared at." " Everything I do everyone, is watching me."

Over and over again..I totally did not realize that I wrote it that much, but obviously it made me pretty uncomfortable.

P.S. Last tear jerking Kenyan post to come this week.

P.P.S I sure used a lot of exclamation points in this post (!!!)

P.P.P.S Did you know that Tres Birds photography is hosting like the most KILLER AWESOME contest EVER?? Check it out here!!

Story # 2 - The water ladies.

Our first day at the job site was exciting. Janet told me..

"We NEED pictures of EVERYTHING!! Go!!"

So I go.. the white (mzungu) lady tripping and observing my way around the school site.

Right away I knew I wanted to photograph the women who were fetching water..you can't even for one minute imagine the amount of work this is..like you soo can't imagine.





The heat is awful, the school sits on a VERY steep hill the water is at the TOP of that hill..they carry the jerry cans full like this..



Not to mention this is one of the lowest paid/lowest ranking jobs..most peeps don't think too much of the ladies at the well.

I could not help but think about the story in the bible where Jesus talks to the lady at the well, I kinda felt like a real bible story being played out right in front of me.

At first they were totally apprehensive..why would I want to take pictures of them??


(ha!! LOVE the look on her face..apprehensive??)



These women were beautiful, and after a while you could see the change in their entire demenor..like WOW she wants to take a picture of me..soon they were all posing and smiling for me..of course when I asked them to smile there were fits of laughter all around...











It was pretty dang amazing. I'm constantly reminded how much power a camera wields in a persons self perception..powerful I tell ya.








Beautiful!!

Later that evening we were sitting and chatting after dinner. Janet and her Mom were in a very heated conversation in Swahili, me of course could not understand one word..but I noticed a distinct change in Janet's body language after the conversation was done..

"You are sad now." I said to Janet.

"Yes."

"What did your Mom say to you?"

"Oh I don't want to bother you with it.." she replied.

"Janet, your sad, it's not a bother. What is wrong?"

"You know the ladies you photographed at the well today? My Mom just told me that a majority of them are very sick, Amber I went to school with those girls..at one point in life we were all friends. The only difference between their lives and mine is I was able to continue my education..." She trailed off there.

Once again I was silent. Unable to put words to the emotions I was feeling, I said nothing, because at those times you just end up saying something stupid anyways.

In fact as I sit here writing this post and look at the pictures I am weeping. Really deep down I just want to make sense of it all..just want to fix Kenya as a whole..help every single wee babe, growing child and helpless mother.
My parents always told me growing up.."Life isn't fair Amber." and after 36 years I get that..but this is life not being fair on a whole OTHER level..this is so far beyond "fair".

I asked God lots of questions that night in bed. I know He is up for the challenge, I guess the real question is.. am I?

Laughter (it's good medicine)

My last few posts have been HEAVY..seriously!! I woke up this morning feeling a little light hearted so my post needs to reflect that.

Not all of my time in Kenya was so serious and thought provoking, no in true Amber form we had lots of laughs..

Like for instance...



Yes peeps this is a pic of the indoor potty. It took a few days for me to get a system down, there were a few near death experiences..but by the end of the week I was squatting like a champ thankyouverymuch.



My shower. You know, us humans are pretty dang good at adapting to our surroundings. The first few days there might have been a few tears shed while I was doing my bathing..but by Friday night I was a CHAMP at the sponge bath..a CHAMP I tell you!!




Ahh Nina got MANY marriage proposals after they saw how hard of a worker she was..good girl!! I'm pretty surprised she did not come home with a husband..or two:)



Me getting this close to a monkey for a photo..I HATE monkeys!! My camera was my shield, oh I hate em!

Lastly (hardly least!) me gasping/closing my eyes/grabbing the dash board/reciting the 23rd Psalm (though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death) as I rode in the front seat of a Matatu..a Kenyan bus.





This is the way most Kenyan's get around..um SCARY. At times we were easily going over 100 mph on hair pin turns..The driver (and his buddy) thought I was OH SO funny with my mini freak out session in the front seat..and when I asked to go and sit in the back again..would they stop and let me?? OH NOOOOO they thought I was too amusing to let go.



Can only use the shoulder to pass?? No problem!! (um notice we are THREE abreast here??!!)



Hope they get their absentee ballot in on time! (ooh and notice the girl with the camera in the rear view mirror??)



Catching a ride with some scrap metal..why not!



HAHAHAHAHA..yes I almost killed you like 5 times..but hey you were sure SEXY when you shrieked like that..hahahahaha.



But I did snag this beauty of a picture..so I guess that made it all worth the ride..right??

Story #1 - Humble (d)

A little haunting..no?

!
We kinda caused a ruckus every where we went..


Always with the crowd


The School!! Wet mortar and brick..an AMAZING site!!!
**First..Can I just say how overwhelmed I was by all your comments from my last post? Thank you from the very depths of my heart for your love and wonderful support, you can't possibly know how much it means to me.**

Truth be told, I don't know how to tell you this story, it has so many layers and in lots of ways is pretty dang personal to me, but something inside of me is urging..really compelling me to share. The past few days I keep coming back to one particular story, in a way it sums up how humbled I felt the entire trip.

It was Tuesday, and it was our second day of working at the school, I use the term working loosely..they would not let us do much. So the second day we were all a little bit more resolved to actually work, so we worked. We would work for a while then the boss peeps would want us to rest and take tea, then we would work again. This went on for most of the afternoon. Truthfully I was a frustrated. I had wanted to really work. I was feeling pouty. So I stood by as the days work was being discussed (always with the discussing already!!) My attention was drawn to one of the men who was taking something out of his pocket and moving towards me.
I realized fast what it was..

It was cash.

He was trying to pay me for my "hard" days work.. I kinda freaked out a little.

"No!! No. NO! You are NOT paying me for my (hardly) work!" I protested.
(Insert my horror here..white chubby lady, accepting $$ from skinny Kenyan man...seriously NOT ok in my very small world)

Then I proceeded to make a bit of a scene in front of the crew..my high pitched voice carrying...me backing away from him. Behind him I can see Janet gesturing to me to take the money..I ignore her.

My pride was on the line. I've never been a fan of the handout.

Then Mr. Nice Man levels his gaze at me..

"You DO NOT reject this." He says, very serious and deep voiced like.

Then I saw it..

The fear of rejection was written all over his face, the fear of what he was giving to me was not good enough.

Suddenly I understood.

And I felt bad. Kinda like someone had just dropped a brick on my chest..out went all that wind.

If I was honest with myself at that moment I was more worried about me, how I felt, how I looked. I was telling him that his gesture of thanksgiving was not good enough. I was more worried about my agenda..so worried I almost lost sight of the reason for the trip.

How bloody arrogant.

I changed my body language and accepted the money, my head was bowed and I quietly whispered a very sincere, "Thank-You." I pushed aside tears.

I'm pretty sure I've never accepted a gift like that in my whole life.
A gift I was so so very undeserving of.

I feel a little like my entire trip was a gift I did not deserve.

Now what to do with such a gift?