The list.. {with lots of punctuation errors thrown in for fun}

Source: via Amber on Pinterest

10.  August is bliss.  Well the first two weeks anyway.. mostly by this time you have done all your.."I have to get this done" summer stuff.  There is not a ton to do, other than sleep late, BBQ with friends and pick the occasional weed from the garden.  It is the break my weary soul craves.  I'm rested, content, quiet and at peace.  It's a bit of magic.

9.  The last two weeks of August? They pretty much suck.  Do you know what is right around the corner.. yup.. there it is... responsibility, obligations and general chaos.  Shh... let's just live in denial for a bit longer.. don't ruin the magic.

8.  Bon Iver, Mumford, Fleet Foxes and Sufjan Stevens.  You make me a better artist, writer and friend.

7.   I always have the best writing ideas between 5 and 6 am.. which during the summer is a bit of a problem.. I wake up with this "EUREKA!" moment and think.. "oh when I roll out of bed in a bit I will totally remember that clever, quirky generally funny Amberish thought and write the best blog post EVER!"

6.  At 37 years old I have decided that the most destructive lie ever is the feeling of insecurity.  I have seen perfectly wonderful women buy into the horrible lie that they are not enough. This feeling generally brings out the very worst in my fair sex, it turns even the most beautiful people into something ugly and mean.

5.  Elections.. Ugh.  (how about that for a super deep thought)

4.  Do you remember back when you ate at Chick-fil-A just because you liked their chicken and waffle fries?

3.  The other day I realized that I had a bit of fear going on.. fear about this here bloggity blog.  Insecurity breeds fear (see #6).  I'm not going to lie, it still shocks the HECK out of me to know that I actually have readers. (this is my un-narcissistic part) I know I open myself up for a lot when I write here.. we all have opinions, sometimes I strike a sore spot, sometimes I get teary beautiful emails, sometimes I get phone calls that I don't like to get... after a few bumps this past couple of months I'm leary.. a bit tender. Scared.

2.  However.. there is this thing inside me that compels me to write out life as I see it.  I feel like my Maker REQUIRES words from me.  When I don't write, it's like my soul is thirsty for this medium.  The past few weeks I have had this running dialog in my noggin..

(here is a little glimpse into the hot mess that is Amber's creative brain..grab a soda you're in for a show)

"Amber?" says the voice. "Amber? You should write about oil paintings."

"no, thats dumb." I reply (super witty comeback) "Plus people will wonder why the heck I'm writing about painting when I have never painted before..sheesh.....Gosh I wish I could paint.. If I was a better person I could paint.. I bet people who paint love Jesus more..maybe they will get a better place in heaven then us photographers."

(a few more days pass) (still no words)

"Amber? You should write about hindsight.. how bad it sucks"

"no, thats dumb.  Of course it sucks, how cliche... I would have never turned down that job, or I would have never been friends with.. or I would never have said that... or I would have never put up with...DUH"

(a few more days)

"Amber?" (the voice only has to ask once now to get my's much louder the longer I ignore it)  "Just write something already."

"I want to write, but I'm scared." (because at this point I'm not fooling myself anymore) Maybe I should start with a list.. lists are good.. nothing too deep.. just some good witty sarcasm to start things off.

Funny but for some reason my fingers will only allow transparency.. so while I started off with the best intentions of witty humor.. the over-dramatic side commandeered this post.. sorry.

1.  I saved a sarcastic remark for #1.. ready?  (you know how people build things up.. food/movies/ novels?? Then you read/watch/eat it and it's never as good as you had it built up to be??)

Public Service Announcement from me to you:
If you are over the age of oh.. 28ish please do the rest of us a favor.. Loose the short shorts..k?  There really are only about 25, thirty year old women in the entire WORLD that can get away with it.. chances are you are not one of them.  Your beautiful I promise, we just are tired of seeing your once pert cheeks peeking out.

Miss you dear is to a few more blissful weeks of summer! Grab your spf 25, a chilly drink and soak in these last few precious days!


Random Thoughts said…
I love the running conversations with yourself. I have so many conversations with myself about what I should and should not write about. I talk myself out of most crazy things that run through my head and that is probably sad. Insecurities are a life long battle and I fear I am worse now than I ever was in my younger years.
Charity Watts said…
I miss you...

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