Tuesday, January 08, 2013

2012 I bid you adieu... gladly. (A List)


It's not that I have hated you, hate is a very strong word.  Let's just say I have battled with you 2012.

Instead of a word for 2013, I've adopted a phrase..

No nervous breakdowns in 2013

Do you think that would look weird printed up on a necklace?? It might be a bit long...

In an effort to try my hardest not to be too dark.. I will mix it up a bit..

Some deep thoughts  about 2012.
Some not-so-deep.. (or shallow) thoughts about 2012.

(The fact that I even think you CARE about what happened to me in 2012 is very narcissistic.. but let's not be too judgmental here.. ok?)


10. God answered so many prayers for me in 2012. (deep) Which of course is awesome, but..there was this rub..I just wish He would answer them the way I told Him to.. sheesh.

9.  Running. (not-so-deep and maybe a bit narcissistic)

You know that quote from Winne The Pooh?? "...you are stronger than you seem.."

Well, this year I found out it's true.  For the first time in many years my body amazed me.  I kept demanding more of it than I thought possible, asking it to do things that I had long ago thought impossible and to my utter surprise it stepped up to challenge.  It's not like I completed the Boston Marathon or stopped eating Queso during that certain time of the month.. but I did push myself farther than I have ever physically done before.. and I'm still surprised at how crazy empowering it is. My time away every night became my therapy.. clarity visited me on the tread-mill.. it's all a little too cliche.. but oh-so true.

8. Humanity disappointed me so deeply durning the election. (deep)
Like so bad.  I feel like grace has been completely lost in public discourse. For some strange reason people say things via a computer they would never dare to say to a persons face. It was vile.

7.  My word for 2012 was, Balance. (started off as deep..but ended not-so-deep)
I did balance out a few areas of my life.. but I feel like I still have sooo far to go in this regard. My wee #4 was diagnosed with some pretty major medical issues last year.  This forced a certain balance when it came to my family vs. work. The whole idea of Amber having limits is still a pretty new concept for me and honestly a bitter pill to swallow. 

6. Hard times create inspiration for me. (deep) (I'm not sure why it took me so long to see this)
It's like I need dark before I can find the light. It makes me feel all emo/goth.. sometimes I wish I was one to be inspired by babies, puppies, glitter and pastel colors.  

5. Pinterest. (not-so-deep)
Seriously... It's like black tar heroin for me.  A place where there are a gazillion eye catching images and people only befriend us based on imaginary talent, taste and witty quotes?? 
SIGN ME UP!!!!! 

4.  (Deep) 
My dear friend Miss Elaine believes that the word "Amazing" is over-used, I agree. So I googled synonyms for "Amazing"...  
Let me please say, that I simply have the most STUNNING people in my life. Some I have known for many years.. (God bless em' they still love me anyways). 
Some I have known for a year or two.. just past the honeymoon phase.. getting to the "I'm not always this witty and have many flaws and I sure hope you can handle it phase" and God bless em' they still are hanging around as well. Healthy, honest relationships are a prize, something to treasure and hold close, I marvel at the power of good peeps in my life.

3. (Not-so-deep) The older a women gets the more maintenance she requires.  Hair dye.. waxing.. facial creams ect... It's funny because you can't get away with faking it as much and sadly these are areas I tend to overlook.  When the kiddos start scrunching up their noses and saying.. "Mom.. really can you get that lip waxed?" it's a game changer... add that to a mini-van and some bozo playing Guns-N-Roses on the oldies station and you have yourself a bit of a reality check.. aging.. you are a bit of a bastard.

2.  The whole Lance Armstrong cheating business. (sad) 
Seriously.. There are sooo many things wrong with his story.  I guess mostly I wonder at point did he change? What was his tipping point? Just image looking at yourself in the mirror and knowing every single part of your life is a lie. Can you even fathom that kind of pressure?

1.  (Deep) Call me weak. Call me small minded. I don't care. 2012 was the year I realized how small I am and how big God is. Some can navigate this harsh world without any help.. I am not that person. The crazy thing about admitting that to yourself after a life time of thinking I'm "strong enough" is the power that comes in letting go. It's a thing of beauty... this whole being a child of God business.

Of course dear reader there is always you and this beloved space. This is my 7th year of blogging.. crazy. The only thing I have done consistently longer is raise children and love Zach. In a special way you dear reader are part of the stunning people in my life. Taping away on this keyboard continues to motivate me more than any other art and I look forward to another overly dramatic, narcissistic and always humbling year. 

xxxooo


2 comments:

GardenGirl said...

amen <3

SeaWorthy said...

Amber Rose..you are one of a kind