I don't cry.

**The first post on what The Creative Connection meant to me, look for more this week**

I don't cry..like ever. I won't bore you with the nasty details, but of course it has lots to do with loosing my mother and all that jazz...

Remember I have issues.

The week BEFORE I left for TCC I could not stop crying...me going grocery shopping listening to John Mark bawling my eyes out in the mini-van, me thinking I just might be going crazy or at the very least early menopause...

So as I sat in a large group of women listening to AMAZING speakers the tears once again flowed. I could not stop them, I had no control. Yikes.

Life has just changed so much for me. The balancing act of Wife/Mother/Artist is not easy. For too many years it was just Wife/Mother, this of course is my highest calling and for the next 10+ will take the most of my time, but the addition of Artist Amber changes the dynamic of my life..like a lot.

For a long time a big part of me has had to remained shelved. I bought into a lie, like maybe I could not be true to myself and who my Creator made me to be along with being a wife and mother.

Honestly, I was really apprehensive about going, mostly I felt guilty. Me leaving the family for 6 whole days to do nothing other than focus on me, and to make me sound/feel even more selfish it was for me to focus on the business of my art. My motherly instincts were rebelling against leaving the kiddos the 2nd week of school. My wifely instincts were rebelling against leaving my already hard working stressed hubby in charge. In short, I felt dang bad.

So why the tears?


I have never EVER in my entire life felt such a deep level of peace. In all of my uncertainty I suddenly knew this was exactly where I was meant to be.

Its taken me 35 years to feel this way.

I've searched long for myself.

Bouncing from idea to idea, wondering what I was designed for, longing for a purpose.

So when I finally arrived at my purpose, seeing it clearly for the first time.

I cried. I could not stop.

This past week has helped me to better articulate that purpose, to embrace it, live it, not ever, ever again be ashamed of who I am at my utmost core.

Truthfully dear reader, I feel like this is almost too personal to post. It goes against my nature to allow you to see so deep, but I feel like I need to encourage you to keep seeking. To slough off the bad relationships, thoughts, preconceived notions that other might have for you, lies, rubbish.

You were created for more, for that very thing that makes your heart soar.

Find your voice, then sing like you have never sung before.


SeaWorthy said…
my dear sweetie pie.. I think we all have this very person buried deep inside our "momminess" and "wifeyness" and you are right when you say shelved. It, totally, is the correct word, and not a bad word to use. Lets say lovingly shelved, because we do IT ALL for love.
When I found my tribe, which you belong to, lucky girl, (just if you didnt know) I cried for days after the farm chicks. Its like, nothing I have ever felt, either. In a most awesome and independant way.
You were lucky to go. I cannot wait to hear more..

Beautiful post and I feel honored to have read it. I also don't cry. I got goosebumps reading your powerful message and could feel your inner strength. And long for the day when I can embrace all that I am feeling as you have so bravely done.
You have owned it and now it is YOURS!
Life's Delish said…
You seriously don't want to hear me sing. ;)
You are amazing...hugs from afar.
Anonymous said…
...you're so right about it all - Thanks for letting me share this event with you...I'll just say it was better because of YOU! ;-)
p.s. your post is definitely not too long! {and I'm not just saying that because I want to see more pics}
Anonymous said…
You took the words out of my mouth, Amber. And I DO cry. My journey has been one of taking the creative me on and off the shelf as "needs" arise. This time, for me, it's more than that. It's an element of me that I was given, and to exercise it, give it room to breath, is so......well, it leaves me speechless. And not much does that......
Lateda said…
Im so proud of you for going.. you deserved it!
This post almost made ME cry! :)
Go sing! :)
Miss Charity said…
Glad to know the real Amber...I've been waiting for a while, your post made me smile, sigh, and think. Thank you, I think it might be time to take myself off the shelf :)

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