Monday, April 04, 2011

Story #1 - Humble (d)

A little haunting..no?

!
We kinda caused a ruckus every where we went..


Always with the crowd


The School!! Wet mortar and brick..an AMAZING site!!!
**First..Can I just say how overwhelmed I was by all your comments from my last post? Thank you from the very depths of my heart for your love and wonderful support, you can't possibly know how much it means to me.**

Truth be told, I don't know how to tell you this story, it has so many layers and in lots of ways is pretty dang personal to me, but something inside of me is urging..really compelling me to share. The past few days I keep coming back to one particular story, in a way it sums up how humbled I felt the entire trip.

It was Tuesday, and it was our second day of working at the school, I use the term working loosely..they would not let us do much. So the second day we were all a little bit more resolved to actually work, so we worked. We would work for a while then the boss peeps would want us to rest and take tea, then we would work again. This went on for most of the afternoon. Truthfully I was a frustrated. I had wanted to really work. I was feeling pouty. So I stood by as the days work was being discussed (always with the discussing already!!) My attention was drawn to one of the men who was taking something out of his pocket and moving towards me.
I realized fast what it was..

It was cash.

He was trying to pay me for my "hard" days work.. I kinda freaked out a little.

"No!! No. NO! You are NOT paying me for my (hardly) work!" I protested.
(Insert my horror here..white chubby lady, accepting $$ from skinny Kenyan man...seriously NOT ok in my very small world)

Then I proceeded to make a bit of a scene in front of the crew..my high pitched voice carrying...me backing away from him. Behind him I can see Janet gesturing to me to take the money..I ignore her.

My pride was on the line. I've never been a fan of the handout.

Then Mr. Nice Man levels his gaze at me..

"You DO NOT reject this." He says, very serious and deep voiced like.

Then I saw it..

The fear of rejection was written all over his face, the fear of what he was giving to me was not good enough.

Suddenly I understood.

And I felt bad. Kinda like someone had just dropped a brick on my chest..out went all that wind.

If I was honest with myself at that moment I was more worried about me, how I felt, how I looked. I was telling him that his gesture of thanksgiving was not good enough. I was more worried about my agenda..so worried I almost lost sight of the reason for the trip.

How bloody arrogant.

I changed my body language and accepted the money, my head was bowed and I quietly whispered a very sincere, "Thank-You." I pushed aside tears.

I'm pretty sure I've never accepted a gift like that in my whole life.
A gift I was so so very undeserving of.

I feel a little like my entire trip was a gift I did not deserve.

Now what to do with such a gift?

6 comments:

GardenGirl said...

This is the truth. It was what we come away with and bring home. This is the true gift. What we go to do becomes so very secondary. Our hearts are changed forever. The longer I live and the more I learn, the less I realize I know...you "get that" Amber. There are some things that are very personal. Some defining moments that you will always keep close. They are fragile,these moments will always be yours alone.

jessy said...

Wow... Thank you for sharing your experiences. These are amazing stories.

Johnna Sutton said...

love....

Lisa of Lisa's Little House said...

Oh, girl...that was worth the 'wait'...so worth it.
Love you,
xxoo,

Tippy Stockton said...

Oh Amber. I think the gift you share is through your words and experiences from this most amazing trip. Some of us will never travel to this faraway place and see how these kind and selfless people live. I can't wait to hear more!!!

Heather Simon said...

One story at a time, I'm half off my seat waiting for the next one....and the next one..... and the next one. I just love how you tell them too!