Mommy Monday
Wendy Benjamin is wife to Brad and mother of Kiasa 16 and Colby 10. She resides on 5 very wooded acres in Gold Bar Washington. I’ve known Wendy for most of my life, but only recently (last 4-5 years) got to really know her and truthfully I don’t think I have ever known a person more changed.. for the good. Her Motherhood journey started at the young age of 16, today she has a 16 year old and a few lessons learned…
Hey girl, how are you? Are you sure you’re up to this?? LOL!
Too funny, you know I don’t have any problems talking. You just have to edit it so I don’t offend your readers.
I distinctly remember your baby shower..it must have been my junior year. I think we all went after softball practice. Looking back it seems weird. How did you feel about being 16 and pregnant?? It was strange; People who were my friends all of a sudden couldn’t or wouldn’t be friends with me anymore. Parents wouldn’t let them talk or hang out with me, like I was going to get them pregnant. That was really hard. I did however still play sports, right up till I was showing good. Then they made me quit. I guess it was a bad for the other teams to look at...
I soo can't imagine how you must have felt..The weirdest part was, I knew those people were out having sex and partying a hundred times more than me. They just never got caught. They would call me a whore, slut. I wasn’t out with a bunch of guys, just one. And it got me into trouble….
I’m going to come right out and ask a super hard question.. why did you decide to keep the baby and not get an abortion? Abortion was never a question…Deep down inside I knew it wasn’t right. I can’t say that morally it wasn’t right (I don’t think I had any (morals) at that time). I can’t explain the feeling, I knew that I just couldn’t do it, something told me NO….
Adoption although, was an issue. I almost gave her up to a really nice couple, then changed my mind. Then her Aunt on her dad’s side offered to take her. The 16 year old girl attitude kicked in and I said NO…He can’t have the baby if I can’t have it, so I will keep her. Real mature….
I know that your parents were (and still are) very involved with raising Kiasa, was her Dad ever around? Her Dad…Wow..What a long road that has been. Well for starters he was 10 years older than me. He left when I was 4 months along. (Apparently my dad and a gun had something to do with that) . He was from NY, went home and stayed there, Never to talk to us again. That is until my second child Colby was born. Kiasa (6yrs old) asked if, “Brad is Colbys Dad, and I can remember before Brad, then who is my Dad?”
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
So I called and left a message with his mother (whom I was very mean to @ 16yrs old). He called me back that night, we talked for hours. Kiasa and I got on a plane to NY 6 weeks later. She met her family, who didn’t know she even existed until about a month before we got there. He has since come out here twice, and Kiasa goes to NY every summer. We are very good friends now, and I love him dearly.
Tell me about after Kiasa was born..did you just suddenly wake up and say, “That’s it! I’m done with the parties, sex, drugs and rock-n-roll!”? Maybe for a week or two….No really it was about 2 months. It was New Years (she was born in Oct). She was a year old before I had another boyfriend, he was 8 years older than me. No one under 21 would even talk to me because I had a kid. That was hard. I did keep partying, just not as much.
Lets just say my parents watched her, A LOT. But, I also worked hard. I had to finish high school with kid in tow. Work a job, and be a kid. I left Sultan High and went to an alternative school because the principle at Sultan said I should give up, that I would never make it.
I graduated 6 months early, and then went to college for 2 yrs.
Let’s fast forward a few years.. to the day you walked into church. Really I thought I just might faint, you were not exactly the first person I thought I would see there. Describe what was going in your life at that time and why you decided to try church…
Wow. This will have to be the censored version…
I was a mess. My marriage was a mess, I smoked pot every day, drank hard at the bar 3-4 nights a week all while my husband sat at home with the kids. Church was a last ditch effort to save EVERYTHING. I thought I could turn it on and off. It didn’t work, I used it as a crutch and it broke. I fell down in a bad rut, left my husband, got a boyfriend, more alcohol.. you know all kinds of good stuff.
Now tell me about your last 2 years in comparison.
Me and my most AMAZING, most KIND, most FORGIVING husband worked things out. (With some really good counseling advice from a great friend.)
Then--God caught me like a fish. With a big hook and wouldn’t let go.
We started going to a great church. I’ve fully given my life over to Jesus, and he graciously fixed me (as much as possible for now) I even got the tattoo to prove it (LOL).
Besides the obvious answer of God.. What else can you attribute to the desire of becoming the person you are today?
Hey girl, how are you? Are you sure you’re up to this?? LOL!
Too funny, you know I don’t have any problems talking. You just have to edit it so I don’t offend your readers.
I distinctly remember your baby shower..it must have been my junior year. I think we all went after softball practice. Looking back it seems weird. How did you feel about being 16 and pregnant?? It was strange; People who were my friends all of a sudden couldn’t or wouldn’t be friends with me anymore. Parents wouldn’t let them talk or hang out with me, like I was going to get them pregnant. That was really hard. I did however still play sports, right up till I was showing good. Then they made me quit. I guess it was a bad for the other teams to look at...
I soo can't imagine how you must have felt..The weirdest part was, I knew those people were out having sex and partying a hundred times more than me. They just never got caught. They would call me a whore, slut. I wasn’t out with a bunch of guys, just one. And it got me into trouble….
I’m going to come right out and ask a super hard question.. why did you decide to keep the baby and not get an abortion? Abortion was never a question…Deep down inside I knew it wasn’t right. I can’t say that morally it wasn’t right (I don’t think I had any (morals) at that time). I can’t explain the feeling, I knew that I just couldn’t do it, something told me NO….
Adoption although, was an issue. I almost gave her up to a really nice couple, then changed my mind. Then her Aunt on her dad’s side offered to take her. The 16 year old girl attitude kicked in and I said NO…He can’t have the baby if I can’t have it, so I will keep her. Real mature….
I know that your parents were (and still are) very involved with raising Kiasa, was her Dad ever around? Her Dad…Wow..What a long road that has been. Well for starters he was 10 years older than me. He left when I was 4 months along. (Apparently my dad and a gun had something to do with that) . He was from NY, went home and stayed there, Never to talk to us again. That is until my second child Colby was born. Kiasa (6yrs old) asked if, “Brad is Colbys Dad, and I can remember before Brad, then who is my Dad?”
Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.
So I called and left a message with his mother (whom I was very mean to @ 16yrs old). He called me back that night, we talked for hours. Kiasa and I got on a plane to NY 6 weeks later. She met her family, who didn’t know she even existed until about a month before we got there. He has since come out here twice, and Kiasa goes to NY every summer. We are very good friends now, and I love him dearly.
Tell me about after Kiasa was born..did you just suddenly wake up and say, “That’s it! I’m done with the parties, sex, drugs and rock-n-roll!”? Maybe for a week or two….No really it was about 2 months. It was New Years (she was born in Oct). She was a year old before I had another boyfriend, he was 8 years older than me. No one under 21 would even talk to me because I had a kid. That was hard. I did keep partying, just not as much.
Lets just say my parents watched her, A LOT. But, I also worked hard. I had to finish high school with kid in tow. Work a job, and be a kid. I left Sultan High and went to an alternative school because the principle at Sultan said I should give up, that I would never make it.
I graduated 6 months early, and then went to college for 2 yrs.
Let’s fast forward a few years.. to the day you walked into church. Really I thought I just might faint, you were not exactly the first person I thought I would see there. Describe what was going in your life at that time and why you decided to try church…
Wow. This will have to be the censored version…
I was a mess. My marriage was a mess, I smoked pot every day, drank hard at the bar 3-4 nights a week all while my husband sat at home with the kids. Church was a last ditch effort to save EVERYTHING. I thought I could turn it on and off. It didn’t work, I used it as a crutch and it broke. I fell down in a bad rut, left my husband, got a boyfriend, more alcohol.. you know all kinds of good stuff.
Now tell me about your last 2 years in comparison.
Me and my most AMAZING, most KIND, most FORGIVING husband worked things out. (With some really good counseling advice from a great friend.)
Then--God caught me like a fish. With a big hook and wouldn’t let go.
We started going to a great church. I’ve fully given my life over to Jesus, and he graciously fixed me (as much as possible for now) I even got the tattoo to prove it (LOL).
Besides the obvious answer of God.. What else can you attribute to the desire of becoming the person you are today?
An amazingly patient and kind man. He showed me true love.
Ok here is a predictable question… what advice would you pass on to a young single mother?
Don’t give up EVER…Get help.
Find another Mom who was in your shoes. This is a fundamental to making it.
Don’t get married just because you got pregnant. That isn’t always the answer. Sometimes, we make mistakes and we shouldn’t expound on them.
Fun question…
If you could buy any house in any area of the United States where would it be and why??
Next to your parents In E. Washington would be best. I love that area, mountains, seasons, skiing and less people. I hate having neighbors. I want 40 acres, and a couple of cows and chickens. I am sick of go go lifestyle. I think I was born about 50 years too late.
I want to stay at home and take care of kids and animals. I think about the T.V. show Lassie... that’s the life I would like.
Minus Timmy falling down the well, of course.
Ok here is a predictable question… what advice would you pass on to a young single mother?
Don’t give up EVER…Get help.
Find another Mom who was in your shoes. This is a fundamental to making it.
Don’t get married just because you got pregnant. That isn’t always the answer. Sometimes, we make mistakes and we shouldn’t expound on them.
Fun question…
If you could buy any house in any area of the United States where would it be and why??
Next to your parents In E. Washington would be best. I love that area, mountains, seasons, skiing and less people. I hate having neighbors. I want 40 acres, and a couple of cows and chickens. I am sick of go go lifestyle. I think I was born about 50 years too late.
I want to stay at home and take care of kids and animals. I think about the T.V. show Lassie... that’s the life I would like.
Minus Timmy falling down the well, of course.
Wendy gets her country girl blog on..go check her out here. (ok now it works)
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