It is well..




Zach and I have never been the type of people you might call contentish..or content in non-Amberish type language (ish).

No sadly I cannot claim we are always happy with our position in life. In fact, it seems we have been perpetually on the move, trying to outrun our position in life for many, many years. Not just moving in the literal sense (but we have done that too!) No really I'm talking about in our spirit..ourselves..our deepest desires. Make sense? It's like this.. we are always asking ourselves what is next? What are we suppose to be doing right now? Because deep down we could NOT believe what we were/are currently doing is ok..is right on task. No, what we do now is too mundane, not flashy enough, not making a big enough of an impact..yada yada yada..
you get my point?

My 35th birthday is coming up, and for the first time in a long long time, it feels right. I'm ok with it. I'm ok with 35 and still no direction. I'm ok with 35 and admitting that I'm far far far from from having any answers at all. I'm ok with 35 and still unable to fold my laundry. I'm ok with 35 and the need to loose 20lbs. I'm ok with 35 and no degree.
I'm ok with 35 and all that it entails.

Recently I was part of a little game, it went like this...

"We are going to go around the bus and say our name and what it is that we do."

This is the part where I would normally FREAK OUT!! I mean what is it that I do?? Yes I could eloquently wax on about the merits of motherhood (I'm not trying to minimize motherhood). I could make myself look like the professional photog I dream of being..I could tell you of all my good deeds and merits..but why?
Why do I feel so hard pressed to prove myself and furthermore what is there to prove?

Then came my turn..

"Hi! (with my very sweetest smile) My name is Amber, and I do nothing."

Oh ha ha ha everyone laughed and yes I did too (cuz you know, I'm pretty funny) but I have to tell you dear reader, there was so much freedom in that statement. So much so I used it again that day, and really I'm beginning to think I will use it for the rest of my life.

Maybe I will have some new business cards printed up..

Amber Strehle
Doer of Nothing
(And she's really good at it)

So today as I go about my business, I go about it with a renewed sense of purpose. The purpose is not so I can say.."Hi my name is Amber and I do (insert something really really super cool here)." No need to impress you, no need to hurry past this current stage of life.

No, I will do it so I can look myself in the mirror and say,
"Life is not perfect, all your dreams may NOT come true, people will come and go, marriage is tough and raising kids just might be tougher, scrubbing toilets will never transfer over to a resume and that masters degree?? It juuust might be out of the question... and it's ok if you have nothing to do..really, I promise."

"Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul."

Comments

Lateda said…
aww.. I agree 100%.
Why try to "prove" ourselves???
I happen to have a huge long list of things I "do", they just are not as COOL as I had dreamed:)
I love all the wisdom you provide your "younger" friend:) ha!
Amber...Amber...Amber...you are such an AMAZING and GIFTED lady!!! What I've learned in my life, thus far, and it continues to become clearer with age...it's the littlest of things that make the BIGGEST impact. I think you should change your title from "Doer of Nothing" to "Doer of EVERYTHING...with Grace & laughter!!!" You are the kind of person EVERYONE wants to know and hang out with! :-)
tinkerverve said…
Enjoy your new-found freedom and LIVE in it!
Random Thoughts said…
I love this post. I never feel content either. It's not that I want more but that I want to be better and I often struggle with who I am. You gave me a lot to think about. Bless you sister.
Anonymous said…
Oh that was profound! You never cease to amaze me :) You are so cool

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